Tha MonkeyClan of the Angry Monkey (FFXI)
Submitted by Piskowit on Fri, 05/12/2006 - 14:52.

Kaliv showed me this site, which is linked on the LightsTemplar website. It is a blog of a FFXI GM. You really should go here and read some of it. Read below for his Saturday, April 22, 2006 post as an example of what's in store for you ^_^

So, this morning I was doing my usual server maintenance (read: turning servers on and off at random), when I got a GM call from a player.

A player named Sefferoth.

GM Call Description: I'm too stupid to live. Feed me to a dragon.

Okay, so that's not exactly what it said. But with a name like that, he was practically asking for it.

Suddenly, I was struck by an idea, an epiphany. Suddenly, a marvelous, beautiful, terrible thing laid itself out before my mind.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

I did a quick server search, selected the appropriate players and warped them all to Mordion Gaol.


And there they stood, a legion of morons with Sephiroth rip off names. A legion of players with a base IQ just above that of a cheese sandwich.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you 're all too stupid to come up with your own name.
[GM]Dave>> We're not sure if this is due to naturally low IQ
[GM]Dave>> Or being dropped as a child.
[GM]Dave>> Results are pending.
[GM]Dave>> Does anyone have any questions?
Seppiroth>> Why are we all here?

Jormungand hits Seppiroth for 9,693 points of damage.
Seppiroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Any more questions?
[GM]Dave>> Anybody?
Sefirot>> You can't do this!

Jormungand hits Sefirot for 8,751 points of damage.
Sefirot was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Anybody else?
Seppheroth>> That wasn't a question.

Jormungand hits Seppheroth for 9,226 points of damage.
Seppheroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> Neither was that.
[GM]Dave>> Any more questions?


[GM]Dave>> Good.
[GM]Dave>> Alright, you are all about to take part in a new event.
[GM]Dave>> One of you has been given an "S" Egg item.
[GM]Dave>> You have also all been set to PvP.
[GM]Dave>> Whoever has the "S" Egg at the end, gets to keep their name.
[GM]Dave>> Everyone else gets their character deleted.

I wonder how stupid these people really are.

[GM]Dave>> Are there any questions?
Sseferroth>> So all we do is find the egg?

Jormungand hits Sseferroth for 9,148 points of damage.
Sseferroth was defeated by Jormungand.

[GM]Dave>> So... no questions, I assume.
[GM]Dave>> Good. Go.

After that, Mordion Gaol became complete anarchy. N00bs killing n00bs. Abbreviations and misspellings gave way to screams of pain.

I almost cried it was so beautiful.

I really should have given one of those idiots an "S" Egg.

So, I left them to their little event and warped to the next Mordion Gaol room.

[GM]Dave>> Hello, Adventurers.
[GM]Dave>> Apparently, you 're all too stupid to come up with your own name.
[GM]Dave>> Are there any questions?
Clowd>> Why are we all here?

Damn, I love this job some days.


hahah hes the man


Player>> What now?
[GM]Dave>> You're not allowed to do damage in battle.
Player>> ...
Player>> Is that a joke?
[GM]Dave>> What up to this point suggests I'm kidding?
Player>> We can't fight without doing damage.
[GM]Dave>> You could demoralize him with propaganda.
[GM]Dave>> Or harsh criticism.
Player>> This is impossible.
[GM]Dave>> Maybe you could undermine his belief system

If only GM's weren't really as big of tools as mr GM. Dave.


Actually, thus far every GM encounter I've had has been pleasent. For the record, I've now had to talk with GMs 16 times in the 2.5(ish) years I've been playing.

My personal favorite is still this one.

Vis Maior's Journeys

mine on the other hand...

i've had 8 gm calls in the approximate 2+ ish yrs i've been playing so half the number of Sam's however i've been invloved in over 37 other inccidents invloving GM's. What i could determine from this is they can be just as human as everyone else. Also several of the legitimate claims i've issued have just been dismissed kinduv like GM Dave.
One such incident involved gol, wings of fury, invincible and drain... I logged a formal complant on the matter of gol's ivincible going up and coming back down instintaously then to add insult to injury the stupid bat drained him to death... we even looked at the logs to see if drain had bypassed his 2-hr the answer was a conclusive no. The GM's dismissed my call twice i finaly was so irritated that i sent them a call calling them everything under the sun. I got a lovely message like this back... "I'm sorry your gm call could not be resolved due to a lack of details... blah.

Common errors in FFXI:
LAG out spawns -> mobs that seemingly bamf and attack you out of no where.
Wings of fury -> pld invincible (pld's 2-hr doesn't function other than hate generation?)
Wings of Fury -> BST 2-hr trick error (the 2-hr'd bat is un-attackable by any in the field, but claimable by those watching outside of the field)
there are more but you get the point...

He's a funny guy

I read the blog at times; I think his funniest line is:

[GM]Dave>> If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...

[GM]Dave>> You're probably retarded

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